It Came From the Nightosphere Read online

  CONTENTS

  TITLE PAGE

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  COPYRIGHT PAGE

  Finn the Human and Marceline the Vampire Queen were sitting on the deck outside Marceline’s house.

  ‘Thanks for helping me record, Finn,’ Marceline said as she strummed randomly on her guitar, trying to warm up the instrument.

  ‘No problem, Marceline,’ Finn answered cheerfully.

  ‘Now, I’m going to sing something really personal, so don’t laugh at me,’ Marceline implored her friend.

  ‘I would never dream of it, m’lady,’ Finn replied, adding a sincere bow for effect. Marceline was convinced, so the two moved into the house to officially begin their recording session.

  ‘Now, start a slow beat and keep it steady, or it will mess up everything,’ Marceline instructed Finn with a stern look.

  Finn called back enthusiastically. Then he started to keep a steady beat with nonsense vocals. Marceline played the guitar and began crooning her gloomy ballad.

  Daaaaddy, why did you eat my fries?

  I bought them,

  And they were mine.

  But you ate them.

  Yeah, you ate my fries,

  And I cried.

  But you didn’t see me cry.

  Daaaaddy, do you even love me?

  Well, I wish you would show it,

  ’Cause I wouldn’t know it.

  What kind of dad eats his daughter’s fries?

  And doesn’t look her in the eyes?

  Daddy, there were tears there.

  If you saw them, would you even care?

  Finn listened to the sad words. Indeed, what kind of a dad would eat his kid’s fries without even asking? Tears began to well up in Finn’s eyes, and he completely lost count of the rhythm.

  ‘Finn, you messed the beat up!’ Marceline screamed. Ignoring her criticism, Finn looked into Marceline’s fiery eyes.

  ‘Marceline, if you’re thinking about your dad so much, then why don’t you go see him?’ he asked, trying to help his friend solve this terrible dilemma. Finn didn’t know if someone could ever be forgiven for eating fries, but maybe Marceline would want to give it a shot.

  ‘He’s not worth the effort,’ Marceline explained sadly.

  ‘Not worth what effort?’ Finn continued, not understanding that a few practical steps had to be taken to call up an evil spirit like Marceline’s dad.

  ‘Well, first I’d have to draw a circle with a happy face in the centre,’ Marceline explained glumly, ‘and then douse it with bug milk.’

  Finn listened. That wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was totally doable! As Marceline spoke, Finn went to work, drawing a happy face on the wall and throwing a carton of bug juice at it.

  The bug juice trickled down the happy face and down the side of the wall as Marceline, with her back to Finn and unaware of Finn’s efforts on her behalf, went on with her story.

  ‘And then you’re supposed to chant something like ‘Maloso vobis com et cum spiritum!’’ Marceline continued in a bored voice. Just as Marceline finished her chant, the happy face on the wall began to glow. Finn watched in amazement as his friend spoke.

  ‘But I don’t really want to see him,’ Marceline explained with a shrug. ‘I’m still mad about the thing with the fries.’

  The wall where the happy face had been suddenly cracked in two and, inside the walls, an inferno raged.

  ‘Huh?’ Marceline asked, finally turning around.

  Finn screamed as Marceline’s father, the Lord of Evil, walked through the flames and into the room.

  Marceline yelled out in anger.

  ‘I…I reunited you with your family,’ Finn stuttered as he watched Marceline’s dad, dressed in a sharp suit, walk into the room.

  ‘Is this kid your evil servant?’ the Lord of Evil asked when he saw Finn standing in front of him.

  ‘I’m not evil, Marceline’s dad!’ Finn protested. ‘I’m super good!’

  ‘Super good?’ the Lord of Evil asked sceptically. ‘Well, no sense in letting a ‘super good’ soul go to waste,’ the Lord of Evil thought to himself. He opened his mouth wide. A loud, sucking noise filled the room.

  Finn shrieked. He recoiled from the noise and the strange sensation that he was losing a piece of himself.

  ‘I’m stealing your soul,’ the Lord of Evil answered aloofly while he continued to try to suck Finn’s soul from his body.

  ‘Dad!’ Marceline screamed as she ran in between her dad and Finn, freeing Finn from her father’s evil clutches. ‘You always do stuff like this.’

  ‘Oh, Marceline, I never know what’s going to set you off,’ the Lord of Evil chuckled. Then he realised that Marceline was holding something. ‘Whoa! Is this the family axe?’ He roughly grabbed her guitar out of her hands.

  Marceline screamed as she watched him fiddle around with her most prized possession.

  ‘Did you turn it into some kind of lute?’ the Lord of Evil asked as he strummed the instrument.

  ‘Give it back and get out!’ Marceline ordered.

  ‘Okay, I’ll go,’ the Lord of Evil agreed with a shrug. ‘I’ve got business to attend to anyway. I’m sucking up all the souls in Ooo.’

  Finn screamed in horror as he listened to the Lord of Evil’s horrible threat. The sweet citizens of Ooo were in danger! And it was all because of him.

  ‘See you kids later!’ the Lord of Evil yelled cheerfully as if he had just been on a friendly visit. Then he disappeared with a diabolical laugh.

  Marceline cried as she watched her father take off with her guitar. Finn, too, cried, realising the magnitude of what he had done.

  ‘I’ve unleashed evil onto Ooo!’ Finn said breathlessly. ‘We’ve got to stop him, Marceline.’

  ‘Fine,’ Marceline agreed. Finn walked and Marceline floated out the door. ‘But I’m only coming with you to get my bass back.’

  Marceline carried Finn as she flew over the peaceful Land of Ooo.

  ‘How do I kill this guy anyway?’ Finn asked.

  ‘Finn, you can’t kill my dad,’ Marceline answered.

  ‘Oh…I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…’ Finn stumbled over his words, realising right away that a lot of people think it’s weird when you talk about killing people.

  ‘No,’ Marceline sighed, rolling her eyes. ‘You literally can’t kill my dad. He’s deathless.’ Marceline often wondered why this was so difficult for people to understand.

  Meanwhile, the Lord of Evil had found his way to a group of Fluffy People who were playing a game.

  ‘Huh?’ one of the Fluffy People asked when he ran into the Lord of Evil. ‘Who the fluff are you?’

  ‘Um, well, I’m sure not the guy who’s going to suck out your soul,’ the Lord of Evil answered, trying to reassure the simple creature.

  ‘Good, ’cause that’s, like, my number-one fear,’ the Fluffy Person answered.

  ‘Really?’ the Lord of Evil asked with a wicked grin. ‘Well, I know a little exercise for that. Want to try it?’

  ‘Well…’ the Fluffy Person answered with some suspicion.

  ‘First, close your eyes,’ the Lord of Evil instructed.

  ‘Okay,’ the Fluffy Person answered, forgetting his feelings of distrust from just moments before.

  The Lord of Evil hit the trusting Fluffy Person on the head with the flat side of the axe-guitar.

  ‘Hey! You could have killed me!’ the Fluffy Person complained, rubbing his head.

  ‘Ah, but I didn’t,’ the Lord of Evil answered. ‘And now aren’t you thrilled just to be alive?’

  ‘Yeah, I guess
. So what?’ the Fluffy Person answered.

  ‘So this next part will be all the more horrifying,’ the Lord of Evil told the confused citizen of Ooo.

  The Lord of Evil opened his mouth wide, revealing two tongues and huge, sharp fangs. Then he emitted the terrifying sucking sound.

  Finn yelled to Marceline while he pointed to the ground below. ‘A gathering of Fluffy People. Perhaps they’ve seen your father. Marceline, release the Finn bomb!’

  Marceline dropped Finn, catching him by his foot just before he collided with the ground. The Fluffy People were quaking, terrified of something.

  ‘They’re all freaked out,’ Finn said to Marceline.

  ‘It’s because they’re scared – of him,’ Marceline said, pointing at one of the Fluffy People and then grabbing him. The creature had vacant eyes – something was missing from this Fluffy Person. It was like he wasn’t quite alive but not quite dead either.

  ‘Hmm,’ Marceline said, observing the poor thing in her hands. ‘My dad’s been here. Come on. Let’s go.’

  ‘No, we have to help this guy,’ Finn insisted as he took his backpack off and began to dig through it. ‘I’ve got some soul food that Jake packed for me. Do you like collard greens? Or country-fried steak?’

  Finn tried to feed the steak to the moaning and half-lifeless Fluffy Person. But it was no use. The Fluffy Person didn’t want steak. He needed his soul back.

  ‘You want to help him?’ Marceline asked impatiently. ‘Help me get my bass back.’

  ‘How will that help him?’ Finn asked.

  ‘My dad stole my bass guitar, Finn!’

  Marceline screamed. ‘And when I get it back, I’m going to break it over his neck and slam my dad back into the Nightosphere!’

  ‘Oh, clam!’ Finn agreed. ‘But first, we have to return the souls your dad sucked back to these sad little husks. Right, Marceline?’

  ‘Uh, sure, we’ll do that,’ Marceline answered unconvincingly.

  So Finn and Marceline continued to hunt for the Lord of Evil. They soon found themselves at Red Rock Pass, a deep cavern in the Land of Ooo.

  ‘Red Rock Pass,’ Marceline told Finn. ‘If my dad wants to get through the mountains, he’ll have to go through here.’

  ‘We can work together and smash him with this rock,’ Finn said, pointing to a tall rock that sat precariously balanced at the top of a cliff. ‘And once he’s smooshed, all the souls will go back to their rightful bods,’ he added hopefully.

  And so, they waited.

  While Finn and Marceline lay waiting at the top of Red Rock Pass, the Lord of Evil was busy collecting more souls. He came upon the Marauder Village and found a group of tough Marauders sharing combat stories. They were unaware that there was an evil soul snatcher on the loose and now, suddenly, in their midst.

  ‘So, I popped his head like a cork,’ the head Marauder continued his story to his comrades. ‘That’s what I think of expanding-Earth theory.’

  The Marauders laughed and cheered. That was a good one! They didn’t notice that the Lord of Evil was now sitting with them and had already sucked out the soul of one of them.

  ‘All right,’ the Lord of Evil said, interrupting their conversation, ‘I’ve got a joke, too. What wears a dark suit, is completely evil, and is about to suck out all your souls?’

  ‘Your mama!’ the head Marauder called back laughing, impressed with his own comeback and trying to beat the Lord of Evil to the punch line. The Marauders laughed, but the joke was on them.

  ‘That’s right. I’m your mama,’ the Lord of Evil answered coldly as the Marauders congratulated themselves on their leader’s quick wit.

  While the Marauders chuckled, the Lord of Evil opened his mouth wide and sucked out every last Marauder soul. The Land of Ooo was easy pickings. It was time to move on to the next meal.

  He headed over to Red Rock Pass and walked leisurely through the deep valley. He managed to suck up some insect souls along the way while making up a cheerful tune.

  Stompin’ on ants.

  Suckin’ their souls.

  Stompin’ on ants –

  Souls, souls, souls!

  Finn and Marceline spotted him from above but stayed silent. They would watch and wait until he was in the perfect position – and then they would crush him like a bug.

  Finn pushed with enormous effort against the giant boulder, trying to get it to fall on top of the Lord of Evil. Then he realised why moving the unsteady rock was so difficult: Marceline wasn’t helping him! She’d flown down the pass and was trying to wrestle the axe-guitar from her father’s hands. Her guitar was all she cared about!

  ‘So, finally taking a run at your old man, huh?’ the Lord of Evil asked as Marceline tried, unsuccessfully, to attack her father. She missed and crashed into the ground.

  Marceline charged again. And missed – again.

  the Lord of Evil yelled as he warded off yet another of Marceline’s futile attacks.

  ‘Marceline!’ Finn yelled from above. The Lord of Evil was just where they wanted him. ‘Keep him right there!’

  Finn pushed and pushed. Finally, the rock tilted off its perch and went tumbling down the steep side of Red Rock Pass. Just before it crushed them, the Lord of Evil and Marceline jumped out of the way.

  the Lord of Evil announced as he continued to fight with Marceline for the guitar. ‘You can’t destroy me.’ Neither dad nor daughter seemed to care that they’d just avoided being crushed by a giant boulder.

  ‘Dad, I don’t want to destroy you,’ Marceline said sadly before getting angry again. ‘Just stay out of my life!’

  ‘You’re not even alive,’ Marceline’s dad reminded her as she flew off.

  ‘You blew it, dude,’ Finn told Marceline when she flew up and sat next to him on the cliff. The Lord of Evil had escaped – probably to feast on more souls. ‘We’re supposed to be a team – a team whose sport is “stop your dad from sucking souls”.’

  ‘I just want my dad to care about me,’ Marceline sighed sadly.

  ‘Of all history’s greatest monsters, you are by far the most evil thing I’ve encountered,’ the Lord of Evil told the sweet-looking penguin he’d come to see. ‘Offer your soul to me, dark one.’

  ‘Quack, quack,’ the little creature replied.

  ‘No! You can’t have my soul!’ the Lord of Evil answered. ‘I don’t even…Look, just in here.’

  The Lord of Evil opened his mouth and tried to suck the soul out of the tiny penguin.

  The penguin slapped the Lord of Evil in the face.

  ‘Keep your crummy soul!’ the Lord of Evil yelled as he kicked the tiny creature, who went flying through the frosty air.

  The Ice King, who ruled over the penguins, caught the bird just before it hit an iceberg.

  ‘Gunter,’ the Ice King said to his feathery subject, ‘who told you that you could fly?’

  ‘Quack,’ Gunter answered as he pointed at the Lord of Evil, who was busy sucking souls out of the other, more easily persuaded penguins.

  No one sucks the life from my penguins – except me!’ the Ice King proclaimed before considering the facts. ‘And maybe polar bears, because that’s just nature, Gunter.

  ‘You darest encroach upon my domain!’ the Ice King yelled as he approached the Lord of Evil. ‘You’ve raised my frosty dander! And for that I shall…’ Just then, the Lord of Evil turned and released a horrific scream and showed his fangs.

  the Ice King yelled in terror. ‘I have soiled my tunic – completely by choice.’ The Ice King fled in terror, leaving the Lord of Evil unopposed to complete his diabolical task.

  ‘Yes!’ the Lord of Evil yelled as he grew larger from all the souls he had trapped.

  ‘Aw, man! He’s growing huge,’ Finn said to Marceline as they ran to catch up with her dreadful father. This evil being was insatiable. He was sucking souls from birds in the air and all the creatures on the ground.

  ‘I’m going to take him down!’ Finn threatened.

  ‘Finn,
you’re like an ant to him,’ Marceline reminded her friend. But Finn would not be discouraged. He had to save the citizens of Ooo.

  ‘Give up those souls, Marceline’s dad,’ Finn ordered while he climbed up the giant Lord of Evil and swung what seemed like a miniature sword, ‘in the name of justice!’

  ‘Oh, Marceline,’ the Lord of Evil called down to his daughter, completely ignoring the annoyance caused by Finn and his sword. ‘Still following me?’

  ‘I’ll stop following you if you give me back my guitar!’ Marceline yelled.

  ‘Now, Marceline,’ the Lord of Evil said sweetly. Then he flicked Finn off his lapel like a bug.

  ‘No one flicks me in the butt without my consent!’ Finn yelled as he spun around in midair and plunged his sword right in the middle of the Lord of Evil’s forehead. The giant’s head opened up.

  Finn screamed as he fell. He managed to grab onto some tentacles that were now protruding from the Lord of Evil’s chin. He looked into the evil creature’s mouth and saw the captured souls, including Lumpy Space Princess.

  Finn yelled as he looked at the wide variety of souls that the Lord of Evil had managed to imprison. ‘Lumpy Space Princess! He got your soul, too?’

  the soul of Lumpy Space Princess answered. ‘Nah! I totally saw Hot Dog Princess get sucked in here, and I wasn’t invited. I was all, “What the lump?” So, I’m crashing this party.’

  ‘Uh, well, I’ll save you,’ Finn assured her, not quite sure if she really wanted to be saved. ‘Yeah, I’ll save all of you!’

  Just then, a tentacle crashed into Finn. He grabbed it and swung his sword, not realising that he was also cutting off the very tentacle to which he was clinging. He plunged to the ground, along with Marceline’s guitar.